Tuesday, 22 May 2012

Bhakta Torben rejects his "initiation" by "Sri Visnupada".

Prabhupada speaks to Harikesha disciple

A voice woke me up. I jumped out of bed. Excited.
My name. Torben. This voice. Clear and strong. Prabhupada. It was Prabhupada! Srila Prabhupada was saying my name! Torben! It was clearly Prabhupada's voice. Prabhupada had addressed me this early morning. Fantastic. I felt happy and proud.
My "guru", Sri Visnupada Harikesa Swami, had stopped being a guru in 1998. And confusion and frustration set in. I had given up, more or less, finding out the mystery of this crazy event. It turned the life of our family upside down.
For the next many years I was just busy working and raising the children. Getting along. The falldown of my "guru" was an invisible knockout. I lost enthusiasm and determination for sadhana and sadhu sanga. And that effected my children also. And wife.
I used to be a book distributor. For years, travelling sankirtan all over Denmark.
Then my eyes opened to the scandals of the institution. The child abuse. The cheating. The cover-ups. The many falldowns of other gurus. Mine was not exceptional, but just one in a successive line of guru-falldowns.
I knew Krishna consciousness was it. For sure. So it didn't match up. Why didn't it work out?
Torben. Prabhupada called me Torben? Why didn't he use my initiated name? Trayimaya dasa. Which was the name Harikesa Swami had given me, although for years I went under the name Traumaya, with a u instead of an i, because Visnupada used a computer for giving names to his disciples and this one couldn't spell, apparently.
So Srila Prabhupada called me by my civil name. This confirmed primarily that something was wrong with my initiation. I investigated the subject and found out that quite a few devotees seemed to think that something was wrong with the 11 gurus or acaryas that followed Srila Prabhupada as successors. With this call from Srila Prabhupada I could cast my doubts. Harikesa Swami Sri Visnupada was not a bona fide guru.
Prabhupada calling me was a transcendental experience. It was something that is read about in the books. Paramatma. Paramatma, Caitya-guru addressing me. Connection. Instruction. In such a sublime way. Just one word from Srila Prabhupada.
There was a definite Jiv-Jago command in the call.
Also a confirmation of sastra. And a recognition from Srila Prabhupada: I am here. I am alive. This process is working. Keep on going. I'm watching.
I will not make the story much longer. I will conclude one thing I've realized: When Prabhupada said You should all be gurus – he said, but qualify first. Then on my order only, you can initiate new disciples on your own. These 11 persons, and later more, took the role of guru prematurely. They may have considered they were qualified for whatever reasons, but…. did Srila Prabhupada order them? They seem to have taken a general suggestion from Srila Prabhupada to mean that they were ordered by him.
Since my audio-experience of Srila Prabhupada, I know without a doubt that if His Divine Grace wants to order somebody – He most certainly can. Loud and clear. There is no need of a "No Objection Certificate". Srila Prabhupada is not dead. If somebody is eligible for guruship, His Divine Grace Srila Prabhupada most certainly can tell him.
With respects and dandavats in Srila Prabhupada's service,
Bhakta Torben

1 comment:

  1. Hari bol Bhakta Torbin Prabhu. Great to read about your interaction with His Divine Grace Śrīla Prabhupāda.

    January 2012 Śrīla Prabhupāda appeared to me in a dream. I woke immediately upon its completion and recorded the event in my journal, which I had sitting next to the pillow.


    3:00am Monday, Jan 9, 2012

    Just drempt with Śrīla Prabhupāda.
    Together like friends, with Prabhupāda as guru, we worked diligently at an modern educational-like institution. I was feeling overtones of hierarchy, control, and impersonalism. We had put in full day's work. Leaving at dusk, Prabhupāda makes a statement, poking fun at my shyness, even fear, of meeting Govinda, Śrī Kṛṣṇa; Prabhupāda knows I know this is ridiculous, that the feeling is false, not real. I turn and embrace Śrīla Prabhupāda with all emotion - giving him my heart, telling him "No! No! Prabhupāda, I melt at the thought of Govinda, to meet Him, I melt at the thought - I love you both very much, both being my very dear friends." This was my feeling, something I was able to feel inside this dream. Hugging Śrīla Prabhupāda was my immediate impulse.

    Prabhupāda was pleased. Smiling, we relished Kṛṣṇa-katha together and walked through the doors and exited the institution. Outside we walked and Prabhupāda said, "See, that service was good, it cleansed you of false prestige, born of wealth (so-called)."

    In agreement we continued walking, literally up and away from the building/institution where we were received by a somehow familiar male devotee, dressed in white. He desired to serve us both, offering to wash both of our feet. Unconsciously, and in the typical American fashion, I declined the offer, a subtle act of false ego. Prabhupāda however naturally accepted without hesitation. Prabhupāda sat right outside the institution and received this service. I immediately recognized my fault in refusing the service for egotistical reasons, and followed Śrīla Prabhupāda's example by sitting down, to the right of Śrīla Prabhupāda. The dream ended here.


    I hope this message is received well, it's memory and significance to me is beyond measure. Śrīla Prabhupāda lives in the hearts of his disciples. The success of my life hinges on pleasing Śrīla Prabhupāda. I want to organize my own field, in association with others of like mind, working together to preserve and propagate Śrīla Prabhupāda message and life on this planet.

    Hare Kṛṣṇa